Personal

One of the aspects of having a malignant cancer is that you look at life so much differently. I will talk about the spiritual aspects later, but do want to say that my “sense of invincibility” is long gone, not to mention the “illusion of control.” I've had my share of orthopedic events:  shoulder surgeries, meniscus scoped, achilles heel issues, but nothing life threatening. Most of my wounds have been self-inflicted! The most difficult personal aspect to date is that I've always been on the other side of the bed, i.e., the one helping others to cope. Now I'm the one with the manageable but incurable disease. Now I'm one of the thousands  who go every week to have blood tested and receive chemotherapy.  When I sit in the blood testing waiting room @ MUSC, I look around at all the people there with the same or similar diseases.  The kindness/sense of community that permeates the room is encouraging, deriving from the reality that we are fighting similar battles. Perhaps if all of us in our world would work with the image that we are all battling the same "cancer" we would be much kinder to one another!

In retirement I enjoyed walking 18 holes of golf 2-3 times per week, as well as hitting balls the other days when weather permits. I've always enjoyed the golf  for the variety of its challenges as well as the beauty of being outdoors in nature. From March  2021 to January of 2022 I was unable to play as I was recovering from spinal fusion surgery and rehabbing my spine. I mistakenly assumed that I would be able to play by July; that was a laugh. My physical therapist released me in November to start chipping and putting.  When I returned to playing  in January, 2022, I tried to walk 18 holes (with my electric bag cart) but could not do so without total fatigue. So I returned to riding in a cart and walking at home to build up stamina. 

When I received the news in October 2022 that MM had progressed, my hematologist Dr. Hashmi said that I had to stop playing golf when I started treatments due to the fragility of my spine and other bones from both the disease and the treatments. So, once more I find myself unable to enjoy what has been a valued part of my life. My son Eddie did take me to play the noted East Lake course in Atlanta; my last round of the year.  I am hoping & praying that I will be strong enough by May to start hitting balls again. 

Debby has been wonderfully supportive and encouraging through all of this.  She will not let me feel sorry for myself and has noted that I've tended to become reclusive and maybe even a little depressed. I don't know what I would have done without her and I am sure that taking care of me is not something she bargained for some 47 years ago!  

Honesty and confession have been the greatest aids to me in my personal battle. There is something empowering about saying “I don’t like this” and then adding “but I am not about to let it beat me!”  I often laughed at the saying, “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.” Now I believe it fully, for personal growth and development come through challenge, not ease.

Quite honestly, I miss the exercise of walking, light workouts with stretching, and golf. These kept the endorphins flowing in my brain, not to mention keeping me in better physical condition. I walk some, but even going a mile with our dog is strenuous.  This will get worse before it gets better, but I’ve accepted that and am ready to get to the other side of the transplant and on to recovery. I am continually reminded that life is about the journey as much as the destination. I try to enjoy the journey even when I have to go on detours! 

I have read some, but not that much in these days.  I find it harder to concentrate on the good works of history and philosophy, etc. The omnipresent “spy” novels are all about the same — entertaining but you know the plot! My former professor, Dr. Wayne Flynt, has recently published a wonderful book, “Afternoons with Harper Lee.”  A warm and personal look at this very private and even reclusive author, I recommend it fully. Dr. Flynt is a rare combination of intellectual acumen and deeply held religious beliefs. You will not be disappointed and will gain a new appreciation for Ms. Lee and her fierce independence.

So, the wheels on the bus go round and round…keep me in your prayers (please) and next week we’ll take a stab at some of the spiritual thoughts and feelings that flood my meager brain these days.